shrimpgrits:

desiring slavery again

After rescinding my lifestyle of imbibing in alcohol almost five months ago, I have a confession.

I read through the book of Exodus today and realized that I felt like the liberated Israelites who longed for slavery again after being out in the desert where Moses had led them. They were on their way to the promised land – essentially a spiritual awakening – and in this period of frustration, famine, and dereliction, many longed to return to the familiar. The familiar was enslavement that had captured their people for 400 years.

I feel like that frequently. With full knowledge that – neurophysiologically – I was enslaved to this substance, that I am on the road to liberation, and that I knew from the jump it was going to be hard… sometimes I still long for the rituals that accompanied alcohol instead of the multitude of good things that have happened since I quit. Like the Israelites, I do receive my daily manna to keep going. But sometimes I’d rather starve from that Bread of Life and sleep.

Please pray or send nice thoughts that I’ll reach some “other side” that is so oft spoken about amongst people who struggle in the same way.