Pope St. Sixtus II was being led off to execution and St. Laurence’s reaction was legit “Without me???”
His precise words are recorded as, “Father, where are you going without your deacon?” I’m not crying you’re crying
Pope St. Sixtus II then told him to chill, he’d be catching up in three days, and St. Laurence considered this the best news.
On the one hand it’s the prophecy of a martyr, but on the other hand it’s a priest telling his deacon “Look, you know and I know that you’ve got three days at most” I think Pope St. Sixtus II knew that St. Laurence was far too Extra to keep his head down during a persecution.
Pope St. Sixtus II was right.
Prefect of Rome: “Bring me all the riches of the Church!!!” St. Laurence: “Yessir just give me three days.” *spends three days giving literally everything away to the poorest of the poor*
St. Laurence was a deacon, and, according to Acts 6, deacons were originally ordained in order to oversee the distribution of food in order to permit the Apostles to focus on their ministry. Which means St. Laurence spent the last three days of his life vocationing as hard as he could vocation.
He marches up to the Prefect’s palace with a squad of the grossest people from off the streets of Rome. The Prefect’s there waiting for decade’s worth of back taxes, and St. Laurence makes this dramatic flourish and yells “BEHOLD! The riches of the Church!” referring to the junkies and smelly homeless he’s just brought along with him
If you’re Catholic and just a tiny bit inclined to the over-dramatic don’t worry there is precedent
What kind of next-level I mean what I would not have given to be a fly on the wall in that room. How do you even react to that level of dramatic?
Apparently by cooking the guy eyyyy
You know it was a quality joke when everybody around you is furious at you for making it.
Okay okay okay but this is the best part
As he’s being cooked. AS HE’S BEING PAINFULLY AND SLOWLY ROASTED ALIVE AS PUNISHMENT FOR SASSING THE PREFECT.
St. Sassmaster Laurence goes, ‘Yo you can flip me now I’m done on this side’
Your fave could never. (Unless your fave is St. Laurence, as it should be.)
Listen, there is grace under pressure, and then there’s making jokes to your executors WHILE THEY’RE EXECUTING YOU. I don’t even know what to call that.
Actually I do: joyful sanctity. Actual life goals.
It gets even better though. This guy, THIS SAINTED DEACON AND MARTYR OF GOD couldn’t just let it go. He had to have the last word.
Right before he dies from being burnt to death he goes, “Okay I’m cooked enough now, bon appitit!”
DUDE.
It’s been over 1700 years and I’m still not over this guy.
He’s the patron of a lot of things, but especially of comedians, fire-fighters, and cooks. He’s also said to be the patron saint of the lazy because he was too lazy to turn himself over.
You know he approves.
A saint is someone who is with God and is an example of following Christ worthy of imitation by the faithful.
Wide Spread Interests 