patron-saint-of-smart-asses:

So I know people these days love to make fun of more conservative-minded people who set down sexual boundaries that feel or look extreme – the biggest example I can think of being Mike Pence’s refusal to eat lunch alone with another woman because he is married and doesn’t wish to be alone with women because of it.

People IMMEDIATELY jumped to the conclusion of “Oh he must be holding back his evil rape urges or something, because no normal person would do that!”

But like…

I remember, back when I was Baptist and very active in my youth group, our youth group leader invited us over to her home to hang out for some fun and faith sharing. Originally we were going to spend the night, but when her teen son came home from a cancelled event, she decided that it wouldn’t be appropriate to have us spend the night when he would be there too. He would be in his own room, minding his own business, and we would have all shared the spare room together as girls: you wouldn’t think it would lead to any funny business, right?

That’s the thing though: setting down a boundary isn’t about toeing the line as close as you can, it’s making a clear explanation of what is clearly safe/appropriate behavior, before it starts to become questionable. Instead of wading through a grey area of uncertainty, stressing about whether something funny might happen, a person can step back away from that and not worry about it at all. Better safe than sorry, so to speak.

This smart thinking prevents scandal (no one can say you were assaulting or doing funny business with someone if it is known you never are alone with the opposite sex or minors, for example), and it also – yes – helps cut down on actual assault, since a lot of assaults happen with someone you know who tries to lower your boundaries to begin with. It helps people learn respect and boundaries that can be used in other situations, and protects more vulnerable people from being manipulated.

There is so much grey area concerning consent in this hook up culture that people live in, and having black and white rules for boundaries can help cut back on regretful sexual encounters, inappropriate affairs, and in some cases, even sexual assault. It doesn’t matter if your beliefs about sex are more conservative or more liberal, people need and deserve those kind of boundaries and it needs to be normalized to protect their health and well-being.