Every person is different and has their own struggle with certain vices. We did struggle with chastity – me because I was hypersexual from a previous sexual assault that was never addressed, my husband because he had different beliefs about how chastity worked, so he didn’t feel like we were unchaste at the time (we have both since changed our views). This started about a year or more before I converted, so I also didn’t have much in the way of theology to show me the hows and whys of abstinence before marriage.
It didn’t help that my parents kept offering to buy me birth control “in support” of me dating, but neither really had anything to offer in terms of how to set boundaries down for sexual conduct. In fact, I *never* learned how to say no to sex until I began using NFP after the birth of my first child; it was only that periodic abstinence that opened my eyes to the reality that society, religious or not, is ill-equipped to to show young people what saying no to sex can be like.
If young people struggle with chastity, really listen to why. It’s more than just “I’m super horny” (though that is a part of it) and more like, “I’ve never really been taught how to have a healthy relationship that doesn’t involve sex.” Even conservative religious circles fail to properly teach how to avoid sex in a way that is not negative.
Again, every person and couple is different; my experience is my own. Some struggle with chastity, others do not. I envy the ones who didn’t struggle with it, but I am sure that they had other vices that they had to overcome that were also hard.
If you are trying to figure out something in your own relationship, then do try and focus on your own. Obviously it helps to connect with other people and get support, but comparing/contrasting your struggles with the struggles of others won’t help you in growing in virtue.
I have an inactive side blog, @holy-sexuality, that has a huge tag on chastity and dating if you ever want to search for encouragement or tips. Or, you are free to come to my inbox here. I really wish I knew then what I know now.
Tag: chastity
SO hold on for this ride please and thanks.
So I was just talking to some random dude (I refuse to call him a man tbh) online and he was sweet talking me and being so kind and charming. Then it came up that I’m saving myself for marriage. And suddenly now he’s all like “oh yeah right, you’re just another easy girl looking for an easy time.” And I’m kinda sitting here scratching my head right now because I’m not really sure where he got all that out of “I’m saving myself for my future husband,” but to each his own.
I know a lot of my followers are younger, so I just wanted to say something really quick before I go to bed. Young ladies, there are going to be a lot of guys who sweet talk you. There are going to be a lot of guys who tell you the things they know you want to hear. Then these same guys will become hostile when you say you’re waiting. Or when you let them know that you’re staying pure for your God. The guy that was just kind and sweet to you suddenly becomes your biggest hater. And let me tell you something: he’s not worth your time, and he’s not worth your thoughts. What he says about you has no hold over your life. Your identity comes from God alone. If that boy gets mad because you won’t sacrifice your values just to give him a good time, that’s his problem, not yours. The right kind of man will not even think of asking you to do that for him. The right kind of man will be going to church with you and reading the Bible with you rather than angrily asking you why you won’t sleep with him.
Young sister in Christ, hear me when I tell you that you are what GOD says you are. You are not what that childish boy says you are. You are not what anyone in the world says you are. You are a cherished daughter of the Most High King. You are worth the life of your King. Don’t let that boy pressure you into giving up your values for one night just to please him. Don’t let that boy make you think there’s anything wrong with you because you’re saving yourself. You are worth the life of your King.
This goes for young men in Christ, too!! If that girl wants you to give yourself up for her pleasure, she’s not worth your time or your thoughts. Young brother in Christ, you are allowed to save yourself. The world might look at you as though you’re crazy. The world might tell you you’re insane for not wanting the pleasure. But let me tell you that you’re worth it. Let me tell you that you’re allowed to have boundaries and still be a man. The strongest, most godly men I know are the ones who hold onto their beliefs and their values and the ones who have standards for their lives. You are a son of the Most High God. Young man in Christ, don’t let that girl pressure you into giving up your values for one night just to please her. Don’t let that girl make you think there’s anything wrong with you because you’re saving yourself. You are worth the life of your King.
This also goes for those of you out there who have already given yourselves up and have decided to dedicate yourself to God once more! There’s nothing wrong with you for wanting to be pure again. There’s forgiveness and purity in the Lord. You are a child of the Most High God just like anyone else. And don’t you dare let anyone tell you otherwise. You are worth the life of your King.
I know this was long, but man the Holy Spirit really wanted me to get that out! I love you all so much! Each and every one of you are cherished by the most loving and merciful God. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel like there’s something wrong with you for walking with Him!
Wide Spread Interests 