emeralddodge:

I’m pretty content most of these days. I don’t like to dwell on the parts of my life that didn’t go well. But sometimes, when I’m lying awake at night, I think about Abby. Don’t get me wrong, I miss Topher so much that my stomach aches, but there was something about Abby’s death that haunts me like no other.

Did you all know that I had a twin sister, Emmeline? She died of sepsis when we were thirteen. Abby was my replacement for her, if I’m being honest. Whenever she did patrol, she always patrolled with me. She was wickedly funny, and I’ll fight anyone who says she wasn’t smart. She just marched to the beat of her own drum, and she was never supposed to be on a team. 

But finding out about Edward Yazzie was hard, because it meant that she had parts of herself that she’d never revealed, and it makes me wonder what else about Abby I didn’t know. What were her dreams? What were her greatest hopes? 

And I’ll never know. And it kills me.