my headcanon for nick fury not calling captain marvel in right away is that they had a bet back in the 90s on how long nick will survive without her help. they bet on 30 years, and nick almost caved when battle of new york happened but that suicidal motherfucker yeeted the nuke into spaceso it was all good, no need for carol yet when he has the avengers, but then the avengers broke apart and nick silently prayed that theyd reunite to kick thanos’ ass but they failed and that is why he said “motherfucker” in disappointment at the end of infinity war, cause only 2 damn years left and he’d win the fuckin bet of the century but the Avengers had to go and Be The Worst At Everything and make him lose the stupid bet God dammit
for the record, falling through the window was one of the only stupid things I’ve been involved in that wasn’t directly my fault. my older brother had people over one night when I was in HS and I went downstairs to get water and they were having a tickle fight (???) and one of them grabbed me to use me as a human shield and in my struggle to escape I braced myself with my back to him and kicked off the wall in front of us and we went stumbling back into a closed window that was at calf-height and we both fell through. Not my fault.
that’s not even the most important part of this story though tbh. the next morning at about 8 AM my dad already had a new window in and was sanding the windowsill when I woke up and I was like “hey dad how….did you get a new window so early” and he said “guy at 84 Lumber owed me a favor” and if that’s not THE most dad thing I’ve EVER heard
Thor, turning to Tony: He says this stupid damn city needs more flowers and pollen-bearing plants because you’re making him have to work a 16-hour shift every day just to feed his wife and kids
Tony: What the fuck Thor we’ve talked about this
Dog: *Bark bark bark*
Thor, sternly: No, Captain America’s pants are not fit for consumption
Steve, with no idea that Thor can speak dog: ???!?!????!!!??
Fly: *hums*
Thor, leaping from his chair: Oh what the FUCK did you say about my hair?? Oh you want to fuckign go do you?? Is that what you fucking want??? Well Step the FUCK UP then you stupid ass buzzy BITCH *summons lightning*
DUM-E: *Beep boops*
Thor, patting Tony on the back: well done my friend
Tony: For what?
Thor: Your robot is telling me all about how well his dad oiled up his joints this morning and keeps saying ‘I love him’ on repeat. He has been doing this for an hour.
Tony, immediately tearing up: oh my fucking god Thor
Wide Spread Interests 