Imagine: Humans accidentally insulting aliens using common idioms that don’t make sense when you don’t know they’re figures of speech
—
Human: Penny for your thoughts?
Alien: You taught me about currency, have I forgotten the value of “penny”? Do you really think my thougts are worth so little? I thought you liked conversing with me!
Human: Wait, hold on
—
Human: We can kill two birds with one stone if we-
Alien: I’ve told you time and again my people are primarily pacifists, and herbivorous regardless. Why would you suggest such an activity?
Human: No, wait, it was just a-
Alien: I will have no part of it, and this nonsequitor is irrelevant to our conversation. Please strike birds on your own time.
—
Human: So is there a method to your madness here?
Alien: *offended* Are you questioning my sanity?
Human: I was just-
Alien: Because that’s difficult to take from a being with the IQ of a gleesnork.
Human: I don’t know what that is but fuck you too
—
Human 1: *talking to someone about alien, sees alien approaching* Ah, speak of the devil and he shall appear!
So I’ve been ruining my kids lives by saying “weird flex but ok” to everything and when I do it they scream no and tell me they’re running away and I made this lovely photo lemme get it
Ok so I need some help coming up with the absolute worst “to flex on” live memes ever to pretend I’m an even more really lame parent. they don’t have to make sense but they need to be absolutely awful yet believable enough that it isn’t obvious I’m intentionally trying to be more lame
Here’s the ones I came up with so far
“You ever just eat a well balanced diet and exercise daily to flex on heart disease?”
“You ever just boil chilies to flex on your eyes?”
“You ever just be cool to flex on your kids?”
“You ever just use sanitizer to flex on 99.9% of all bacteria and viruses?”
“You ever just turn all the lights and up the heater to flex on Dad?”
Catholic edition:
“You ever just like receive the sacraments frequently to flex on Satan?”
“You ever just like love your Mom to flex on Protestants?”
So I executed the first one in the kitchen then I dabbed and my son didn’t say anything he just set down his pomegranate and walked out the front door with no shoes on and now he’s walking down the street
Wide Spread Interests 