since the day I heard an older man say “relationships thrive when you are always trying to out-serve each other” I have never, ever forgotten it.
relationships thrive when you are always trying to love the other person more than they love you. in every way.
it’s so selfless.
and it’s safe to be as selfless as possible because you know they are doing the same and there’s no doubt that you’ve got each other.
Tag: relationships
If someone isn’t available during your most crucial time, then their presence any other time is useless.
This isn’t realistic for adults. I’m sorry it’s just not.
Don’t fall into believing that, “if they’re a true friend they’ll drop everything and run to be by your side!” crap.
As a responsible adult there will be times that your friends are hurting and you won’t be able to go to them.
There are times that you will have to go to work, or take your sick kid to the doctor, or do many other things that will prevent you from being there for your friend.
When your friend calls you and they’re falling apart and it’s ten minutes until you have to leave for work, you’re not a bad friend for saying, “Look, I love you. I’m sorry this is happening, but I have to go. I’ll call you back tonight when the kids are asleep.” Or “I’m so sorry this is happening. I love you and I want to be here for you but I’ve got to get to work. I’ll call and check on you during my lunch.”
Adult life is hectic and busy with important things all the time and unfortunately it’s also full of shitty things happening to people we love.
Do your best to be there for the people you love and ask for support when you need it but be understanding when being a responsible adult comes before helping you.
The idea that people need to be there any time you need them is really damaging and unhealthy, too. You can’t place value on a person or a relationship based solely on whether or not they’re available, no questions asked, whenever you need them.
In addition to the above: sometimes, someone simply does not have the energy to help. Maybe they’re coming out of a rough patch themself, maybe they have been busy all day,maybe a chronic illness is flaring up. There are a myriad of reasons someone may not be able to be there.
Obviously, if someone is taking you for granted, and never seems to care how you’re doing, that’s an issue. But to write someone off because their life and your life didn’t line up quite right at a given point in time, or maybe even on more than one occasion, is not a healthy way to handle things.
please remember that in a healthy, adult relationship (romantic or not), you should be able to talk about things that are bothering you. if you are bottling up your emotions and holding it against someone when you haven’t told them what is wrong, you’re not engaging in healthy behaviour. but also, if your friend/significant other makes you feel as though you can’t talk about what bothers you- i.e. has made you feel guilty/gotten extraordinarily angry when things were brought up in the past- they are not engaging in healthy behaviour.
Relationships get so bananas when you start deciphering the other person’s love language.
Like I thought I was just acquaintances with this person because they never told me details about themselves and we just talked movies and writing . But then they made time to have coffee with me and they showed up out of breath because they ran. Like. RAN to be on time for coffee with me?
And I was like “i don’t mind waiting” cause I never want to run
But they said they wanted every minute they could get because I’m so busy usually
Which is when it clicked that I didn’t get how much they considered me a friend because I just straight away didn’t see MY signs of affection in them and went “cool! Casual buds it is.” But now that I’m seeing their signs of affection, I feel a little silly for dismissing them like that even though I felt like we could be best bros.
Anyway, some people show affection through time or intensity or commitment and not vocally. I really have to remember that!
Fyi- just in case you didn’t know.
TOUCH got a bro that likes to give high fives? Back slaps? Are they a hugger? Do they not blink an eye at cuddles?
QUALITY TIME this bro will (as op stated) sprint to spend every minute possible with you. Every second that you guys are together is a declaration of affection.
WORDS does your bro tell you how amazing and great and fantastic and wonderful you are all the time? Guess what…?
GIFTS do they buy you coffee? Snacks, energy drinks, spot you at the restaurant? Did that one key chain removed you of them? Ding ding!
ACTS are they always doing things for you? Ie: Nah bro, I got this, I can do that, need me to get anything for you, I can help with…?
PRO TIP – The way people show love is often how they receive love as well.
I reblogged this recently but it got better and ive been thinking and learning a lot abt love languages so
Relationships get so bananas when you start deciphering the other person’s love language.
Like I thought I was just acquaintances with this person because they never told me details about themselves and we just talked movies and writing . But then they made time to have coffee with me and they showed up out of breath because they ran. Like. RAN to be on time for coffee with me?
And I was like “i don’t mind waiting” cause I never want to run
But they said they wanted every minute they could get because I’m so busy usually
Which is when it clicked that I didn’t get how much they considered me a friend because I just straight away didn’t see MY signs of affection in them and went “cool! Casual buds it is.” But now that I’m seeing their signs of affection, I feel a little silly for dismissing them like that even though I felt like we could be best bros.
Anyway, some people show affection through time or intensity or commitment and not vocally. I really have to remember that!
Five tips on being a good boyfriend/husband?
emeraldboreas-deactivated201809:
1. Always treat her with respect and as an equal. even when she’s not present. Especially when she’s not present. That’s when respect matters most. Don’t talk about her flaws and shortcomings with your friends and family. Always show off her virtues and accomplishments instead.
2. Always make her feel special according to her tastes. For example, Emerald doesn’t like the traditional teddy bear/chocolate/strawberries combo. Instead, I cater to her interests in books, clothes, and Amazon.
3. Pray for her: her needs, desires, dreams, and growth. Pray every day.
4. Pray for yourself. Don’t neglect your spiritual growth, because your relationship with God is more important than any other.
5. Be yourself. If you don’t, she could fall in love with someone who doesn’t exist, which isn’t fair to either of you.
So I know people these days love to make fun of more conservative-minded people who set down sexual boundaries that feel or look extreme – the biggest example I can think of being Mike Pence’s refusal to eat lunch alone with another woman because he is married and doesn’t wish to be alone with women because of it.
People IMMEDIATELY jumped to the conclusion of “Oh he must be holding back his evil rape urges or something, because no normal person would do that!”
But like…
I remember, back when I was Baptist and very active in my youth group, our youth group leader invited us over to her home to hang out for some fun and faith sharing. Originally we were going to spend the night, but when her teen son came home from a cancelled event, she decided that it wouldn’t be appropriate to have us spend the night when he would be there too. He would be in his own room, minding his own business, and we would have all shared the spare room together as girls: you wouldn’t think it would lead to any funny business, right?
That’s the thing though: setting down a boundary isn’t about toeing the line as close as you can, it’s making a clear explanation of what is clearly safe/appropriate behavior, before it starts to become questionable. Instead of wading through a grey area of uncertainty, stressing about whether something funny might happen, a person can step back away from that and not worry about it at all. Better safe than sorry, so to speak.
This smart thinking prevents scandal (no one can say you were assaulting or doing funny business with someone if it is known you never are alone with the opposite sex or minors, for example), and it also – yes – helps cut down on actual assault, since a lot of assaults happen with someone you know who tries to lower your boundaries to begin with. It helps people learn respect and boundaries that can be used in other situations, and protects more vulnerable people from being manipulated.
There is so much grey area concerning consent in this hook up culture that people live in, and having black and white rules for boundaries can help cut back on regretful sexual encounters, inappropriate affairs, and in some cases, even sexual assault. It doesn’t matter if your beliefs about sex are more conservative or more liberal, people need and deserve those kind of boundaries and it needs to be normalized to protect their health and well-being.
wholesome love
Wide Spread Interests 